Things are different, obviously, a month has gone by, that's natural i guess. I'm in charleston now. In a new home, with a lot more to do with my time.
Being back here is like a roller coaster of emotions. I love it one minute and the next i want to go back to one responsibility a week and the hardest thing i had to do was get up in the morning. Now I'm struggling to find time to relax and enjoy my new environment with my new roommate. It's strange, yet all too familiar for me. I can hear my mother now, telling me to say no. Telling me to stop being so willing to do everything. Just say no Aly, you don't have to do everything.
That's the problem though, i feel like i DO have to do everything. I can't say no. It's not like i want to say no either, i love to say yes. I don't feel like I'm forcing myself to say yes. I'm just saying yes to too much. I want to do this and that, but this and that can't mix. I'm beginning to feel the very familiar emotion of stress and being overwhelmed. I know that worry is a sin, however in times like the present worry is natural.
I have this idea of what i'd like to see on the college of charleston campus this fall, however it's not happening the way i thought it would. I want to see a group of people loving out of the overflow of their heart. I want to see people loving because they can't hold in the love they have for Christ and just want to tell everyone they meet. I want God to use me to start this kind of group in intervarsity. the problem is how. the problem is logistics. my mind is full of how when what who where. i cant even fully get out the jungle that is my mind right now. my mind sees this happening one way and others see it happening another. I'm not sure if I'm just not in line with Christ's vision or if i am and this is something i should stick up for. I want to see a group of people living like 1 John 4:16-21 calls us to:
"God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother."
This post isn't really even coherent. I just needed to write something down to get out some level of stress. I'm trying to figure out what purpose it is that God has for me being on the College of Charleston campus because i hardly believe that it is just for school. I know i have a greater purpose here. I want to live that out. I want to follow his heart for the campus and follow where he leads. I want to take people with me. I just hope they will see and follow. I hope this is something my friends have a passion for as well and want to see happen. pray that something big will come out of Charleston students who are christians. not just intervarsity but all christian organizations. That they would see the need our student body has for Christ. I don't want to leave this campus knowing God was calling me to do something and i didnt do it. I do not want to leave here knowing i did not obey his calling for my life. I want to know him and make him known.
"As a prisoner for the Lord, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received."
- Ephesians 4:1
